As many of you know me and Heather have some finicial difficulities. Things didn’t go according to plan after we got married. I am very thankful for her and things are great with us, but man have we been on one hard trip! with my health problems (still holding up good at the moment, a big Praise!) It wasn’t in the plan to head back to my hometown so quickly. After I got here i Didn’t feel at home at all. The church i had left was taking a way more traditional route than ever before. At first i got the okay to do a bible study on saturday night, then that was turned down. Since then as my health has allowed i’ve redone a building on the farm. It’s an old cabin and not much but it was something! I contacted a ton of people and got a lot of positive response. Yes a few did back out (including a worship leader willing to travel for an hour cause he liked our style
) but things looked positive.
We were banking quite a lot on Heather getting a job close by. Well she can’t find one here. They just aren’t hiring. She nearly had one sommerset (an hour away) and after being HIRED they went back on her (even though she had signed a contract) and hired someone else. At best we are going to have to move somewhere in between a bigger city (like Richmond, Lexington) and drive back to keep 2nd chance alive.
2nd chance on the meantime has had 2 services so far. Or should i say has been scheduled to have 2. One whole family that was going to keep and help lead singing and everything, just stopped talking to me. I can’t help but feel that someone from my old Church (where they still go on Sundays) said something to them. There 3 maybe a couple of more people where vehemently against me for wanting to use more contemporary music, modern translation of the bible, and wanting to maintain the churches relaxed dress, and no passing the plate policy. There were probably some others went along but who knows. Some teenagers who were extremely excited have ditched me twice in a row. Granted the first one was because they were out of town school shopping. This past one was because of a local town festival they went to. Those all hurt because they were going to be definite. Even my family has just been busy they say.
I’ve been questioning oh closely i was listening to God’s will here. Did i jump the gun somewhere? This verse has now been echoing in my mind :Luke 22:36 Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no SWORD, let him sell his garment, and buy one. (NIV) I’ve shared before i know a lot of people that have been burned by Church hurt/ fights/ splits etc. here. I know a lot of youth that go to Churches that bore them to tears because they are forced to go. I know a lot of people who say they love God but just don’t go to church for some reason or another. I thought this could reach those people. It’s been my dream to see my town on Fire for God. I want to be a part of that, but maybe it’s not my place. Maybe i’m Like David wanting to build the temple y’know? Or maybe Satan is just really pissed off at me. (i’ve been told that’s a cuss word, sorry if it offends but here in the country it’s just fine
Y’all)
I’ve always wanted to get out of the state or at least area. Alaska has been a neat little dream of mine. I’m doing school online, Heather has seen job openings up there. I’d really love to go. I kinda feel like if i don’t go now i’ll never get the chance again.
I’ve cried in prayer about it. I first looked at other churches around here. I want to be back serving in a church. I don’t have to be a pastor, asst, youth , or even a door holder. I don’t need a title. I just want to be somewhere i feel the Holy spirit, has great teachings, and I can do something to serve God and serve others.
We drove to a great Church up in Lexington Sunday cause we had slacked for a couple Sundays. The message felt directed right at me, Don’t give up! keep your passion! but i didn’t get the message to stay here or go. Just not to hang my head. Today heather took her licensing test (we will know if she passed Friday) To celebrate I suggested Italian ( i know we are poor but this was celebration!… and cheap Italian) but changed my mind we eventually agreed on Chinese ! my fortune cookie? “You are about to leave on a Pleasant Journey” or something very close to that, it’s in my wallet in the other room. So does God speak through fortune cookies?
I don’t think this is anything any of you can answer. I appreciate the many times you guys have let me vent on the boards. My life hasn’t been boring, but I can’t recall any of you telling me to hush that i’m just whining, and sometimes i have been.
This is really bugging me, and making me sick to my stomach just typing all this. I’m now even getting resistance from Family with getting 2nd Chance up and going. My parents threw a fit at me because i was going to take my expensive Tv and computer up to the building (for a screen!) I don’t to explain tot hem it was God’s anyways, he just let me use it
But they don’t budge. Actually banning me from using some of the Farm equipment to move stuff. I’ve run into several problems like this. I don’t want to live on Family land anymore, it just is providing to many conflicts with people i Love. My parents are forgetting I’m on my own, i’m just a neighbor. That hurts me too cause i stayed here primarily to help them when Mom got Cancer. Now my Dad is sick w/ calcium deposits he sometimes gets in his mouth. His saliva gland burst as he tried to rip a stone out himself
I had to haul him around today as he took the lord’s name in vain at the Nurses etc. Granted he was in extreme pain but i was so embarrassed. Regardless of what he says i just can’t believe he Knows Christ and I so want him too. I have to take him to surgery tomorrow, he should be okay after some removing of several of these stones. But we just don’t even act like we are from the same world most of the time.
I think i’ve had harder times, w/ the big d-word etc. Part of the effects of that still haunt me. It limits church options, it haunts me in this house of mine, and it makes me nervous about who i run into around town.
Wow! i’ve went on a long time about all this, and I may do more but I just can’t right now. I think i’m going to go lay back down and try to catch some sleep again.
Thanks for reading/praying or any combo of parts of the two!